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Thursday, July 17, 2008

Colbert's Alpha Dog of the Week - George W. Bush


This week's Alpha Dog, President Bush. You know he gets this honor so much I might just declare him Alpha Dog for life. He's already using the Constitution as his chew toy.

Last week the President went to his Final G-8 summit in Japan, met with the leaders of the world's most powerful nations and suffered through endless meetings on reducing carbon emissions. It's the international diplomacy version of traffic school.

According to officials at the event the President ended the meeting on a cordial up note saying, "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter." He then punched the air while grinning widely. You hear that world! George W. Bush hates the environment so much he literally punched the air.

This is terrific. President Bush might be a lame duck, but somebody forgot to tell that to his balls. Just picture it. He said this to the most powerful leaders on earth AND the Canadian Prime Minister.

For far too long the President has been forced to do a terrible job of pretending to care what people think of him, but not any more folks! These last 180 days, this dog is going to go out barking!

Oh, it is going to be so sweet when he pops by the World Court in the Hague and screams, "Adios from waterboard central!"

Then he can drop by the stock exchange, ring the bell and scream, "Goodbye from the world's weakest currency!"

Then he'll head over to Iraq and as he's leaving shout, "I break it, you bought it!"

And finally, he can swing by the lower 9th ward in New Orleans and whom am I kidding. He's never going there again. He'll probably just send them an e-card.

So President Bush, for chewing through your muzzle and speaking your mind, sir, you are my alpha dog of the week. I will cherish every day we have together until January 28, 2009 when they take you to a farm upstate.

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