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Monday, July 21, 2008

McSenile's New Country: Iraqghanistan

Professor McCain will now begin his geography class. Everyone, who is not in a wheelchair already, please be seated.

Professor McCain:

First, as many of you know, geography can be a tricky subject, but with a little bit of perseverance, you too can learn where all those countries go, just like I have.

First, as I told GMA this morning, there are a lot of problems occurring along the Iraq-Pakistan border:

Some of you have your hands up. I see this is confusing you because you're saying, "But Iran borders Pakistan!" I find it's easier to just pretend Iran is Iraq (you know, like saying Sunni and Shiites are interchangeable) and just move Iraq next to Afghanistan and Pakistan. Hell, we're going to nuke them into oblivion anyway, right? That way, we can combine both fronts of the war on Terror and make Iraqghanistan a new country. See, just take this old map:

And create this new map:

Now you'll notice a couple of different changes. First, I've just gotten rid of Iran. This, surprisingly, opens up the Persian Gulf quite a bit. There's a lot of gulf coast property to invest in for all you Floridians in the audience! Plus, it gives the Saudi's more ports from which to ship their oil. Iraq can now also be a shipping giant for the oil industry and thus, for me, I mean, the U.S.

Second, you'll notice Czechoslovakia has moved to the mid-east. I decided that if I was going to reunite the country I might as well move them on down there. What good were they doing anybody in Europe anyway? Now we have a NATO ally in the mid-east!

It's all coming together. Elect me as President and I will change the world, one geography mistake at a time!

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